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Friday, September 26, 2008

In Memoriam.
(A dramatist perspective on something mundane)

Why did you have to leave me like that? Unannounced? Spur of the moment? I guess that had always been your nature.

Yes, we've always had our love-hate relationship but my love for you weighed more than the hate that consciously troubled me on my shallow mentality. Honestly, my heart skipped the moment I first saw you, about 3 years ago. You gleamed like my future and I knew...or I thought I know we would be together if it wasn't forever, for at least, years to come. But why did "us" end so soon? Don't you remember those adventurous days we spent in the streets of Los Angeles? Where most days, we would be face to face and I felt you capture the soul of my being? Don't you remember? I sit here and wish everything is still light-weight. Without you, I am bog down with all that's literally heavy and complicated. And I realize how I missed you now. I missed the main reason which made me the photographer that I am today. We were inseparable and although this new fling I am having with the other is seemingly going well, I've yearned for you--your easygoing attitude: just a snap of 0.01 shutter and bam!

So this time I ask, how do you do and why from one of the most romantic sunsets we've both graced upon, you had to leave, me, of all people, there, as if a part of my heart had melted away like chocolate in my pocket during a toasty summer day? I was uncomfortable... almost awkward to the point of crying in front of David! In front of David? Could you imagine!? Just in case you're wondering, the sunset lingered in front of me, casting its sympathy through my probably melancholic face of anger and disbelief. Hues of purple and orange was reflected through the Pacific water looking like satin nonetheless and I... I sat there with my butt against the sand wishing you could have seen it with me. I was nostalgic, I could have sworn all the good times we've had flashed back against the ever-changing summertime sky as if being shown the wild wild west movies style; the dusk winds gave me goosebumps and soon then after, I was out of plans on how to get you back.

I have to admit, I failed to win you back. Just the fact that you closed your soul from me without any warning, left me dumbfounded, selfish, and hurt. I never pictured losing you at Venice, California, one of the places I feel comfortable in, with its artists, the self-proclaimed gurus, and budding street performers. Since I am most people who always need closure, I want to let you now (until its way too late to do so) how much I've appreciated having you in my life, even from a very short amount of time. Losing you helped me learn how to easily move on about negative trivial life moments and things that appear to slow me down. This is actually my clamor for the question that has been left unanswered for almost 4 months now: why did you had to go psycho tech on me?

If you can't answer right away, which, I supposed you wouldn't my dearest camera, I understand. You should know I clutched on to the tiny grains of sands and hoped you'd come back to life. But hoping without action doesn't really get anyone far from life. I was sad to see the beautiful sunset hid against the California mountains... I thought I wouldn't see dawn again with the events followed before, you were the icing on the cake and oh, how nagging did that make me feel like.

At that moment, having you with your lens shut off unstoppably was not for the best. I could see now what many people told me then, however. And if I didn't lose you, I actually would have not realized I deserve better. I just wished I wrote this 4 months ago when you actually mattered in my life.

Anyway, thank you. Our memories together will be carried on in all the pictures I've taken with your 7.1 mega pixels. I owe you all the pretty things, all the beautiful faces, and somewhat amazing landscapes portraits captured, hidden under piles of photos...I owe you. If I will be a household name someday, I will tell everybody I will come across with that I started my photography career with you. So my ex-camera, hang tight inside that Christmas box. I will have a good use of you someday... maybe in a collage... in a box frame... you never know.

Olympus 710
September 18, 2006-June (??), 2008

"You never know what you have until its gone."

Photo: my butchered camera, thanks to my amazing, destructive better yet, hands.

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My mind's unweaving/ 12:00 AM


Warning: This personal blog can be fatal to your health; read responsibly. Fasten seatbelt when doing so.

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Tis written unlike no other in my attempt for creativity. Here, you'll find *fragmented fictional and real stories that are relevant to my life in some ways. I don't enumerate things that happens to me everyday nor do i purposely rant about lame, stupid "teenage" cliches. My entries are from memory, past experiences, reviews (food, book, movie) and my opinions on current issues--and no, no politics whatsoever. Grammatically incorrect to a degree but nothing that can make you squirm (or so I hope not).

P.S. Put in mind that I'm a scrumptious-looking cupcake and you know you can never, EVER, resist me...so no hating or you'll never get to eat "us" again! lol

an AA

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