Reporting for Duty

Most situations in my life have fallen under "better" category but some are still unbearable, inhabiting the one place I wish more peaceful and uncluttered. It has been more than three months since I wrote a personal entry that does not involve flowery language and migraine-inducing stories. I guess I have gotten carried away by the ups and downs of my own roller coaster ride that lasted about sometime that I neglected my usual vents, raves, and rants. Like how a friend of mine is now getting carried away by a woman who, I think, he does not even want to get steady with. If you see a similarity, let me know as I only added that to emphasize that "getting carried away" will never be a good thing--not for me, anyway.

Somewhere, beyond the silence that stricken my room and mind, I know all the entries presented here are based on my personal experiences. Yet I do missed being human and real sometimes; I have missed translating my feelings down to words and making my few readers wonder what I am talking about (now). My past is quiet exciting, intimidating and questionable. But the past is the past and most days, when I have the urge to practice my will to write, I feel like I need to press everything outside of my mind and put it all here instead of talking in the phone for hours at a time (until midnight).

Well, so here I am tonight, as I sit here getting lost into my own pool of self-doubt and confusement--like I have been all this years, holler! Nothing has changed. I still feel nostalgic about the people gone past my life, walked away, who didn't even said goodbye; I still missed all the important things in life because all I want to see is of non-importance; and most especially, I am still the same person who doesn't know who she is and tries to discover where she might be now.

Although my feelings are the same, my life is in constant motion. Day by day, I realized that walking out and moving on in a "relationship" is a good thing (although I have yet to completely accept it whole-heartedly). I miss many things and although I still feel the need to go back in time or have more millionth other chances, I can only be patient now. I know myself will come around someday and such adversity will only make me stronger and a better person.

I need this time of non-progression to understand and forgive the person that I had become. Although I am face with the consequences of love and heartbroken (for I face different phases of hatred towards men and my passions gone somewhere, taking coffee breaks), it is safe to say I will have my better days. I've wanted everything overnight but this...peace will not come anytime soon as I do need to face the ghosts that haunt me down at 11:11 in the morning first before anything else. I need this to learn how to let go and wait for the storm to ease down.

And so, I have officially enrolled myself to the School of Life. While I hated high school with angst and passionate distaste, I cannot say or whine much, about this.

It was bound to happen and if it wasn't, then it would have not had happened in the first place. Wish me luck on finding who I TRULY am (because I cant be doing it when im 25 and not getting any younger) and convincing my passions (for photography, art, culinary and writing) that I am calm, cool and collective now. Or so I hope.

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