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Friday, August 31, 2007
Steamy, esteem.

My own thoughts and insecurities leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. It is an indescribable bitterness that even lola, with all her experiences as a town-proclaimed guru, have failed to explain. I once pictured this bitterness as a growing lump in my mouth and every time I speak lowly of myself, it escalates ten folds. Of course, after years of low self-esteemed speeches, the disease would have ruled my mouth and I wouldn't been able to verbalize all the demented reservations smoldering in my head. It wouldn't be that bad, I thought. Although I soon then realized, my brain, the source of everything ingenious --naughty thoughts and insecurities--will approach memory full and rupture from overflowing malignant disease.

How hard it is to accept oneself completely and live an insecurity-free life? What if every time we feel like shit, we (think we) look like shit, and think we are shitty (all together) we magically turn into hapless, helpless, turds (and become shits completely)? The wikihow articles didn't nail it; other sites fell completely short...so how do we really improve ones low-self Esteem? The pessimistic says, "Kill all the beautiful people. They make me look miserable!" The optimistic disagree "Oh, its all about peace, love, and happiness. If you think you're a gorgeous individual, the rest will follow." But is it really? Do we really need to decieve ourselves and be self-absorbed ignorants and think "Yes! I am the most beautiful human on earth"?

Which presents me to my next case, where 50% of females in the planet do not know the difference between confidence and being a stuck up, shallow bitch. There is nothing wrong with thinking that one is good-looking and lives a wonderful life. However, it is a tad bit different when one thinks she is being hated because others are jealous of her obvious beauty and her dad being a pilot (example). That's living in a delusional world...and of course, nobody really wants one braggart, stupid chick who cannot get her grammar straightened up and still don't get IT: people hates her because she is self-absorbed, she is full of shit, and full of wrong grammar blabberings but does she realize this? No, oh fucking no.

Where does this leaves anyone, really? Say, have confidence but not overtly too obvious. Quizzical blogging is confusing and well here it is:

"Do you wish people to think well of you? Don't speak well of yourself."--I.forgot.who.

Disclaimer: the girl described in this entry can be a fictional character but they do exist, unfortunately.

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My mind's unweaving/ 8:42 PM


Warning: This personal blog can be fatal to your health; read responsibly. Fasten seatbelt when doing so.

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Tis written unlike no other in my attempt for creativity. Here, you'll find *fragmented fictional and real stories that are relevant to my life in some ways. I don't enumerate things that happens to me everyday nor do i purposely rant about lame, stupid "teenage" cliches. My entries are from memory, past experiences, reviews (food, book, movie) and my opinions on current issues--and no, no politics whatsoever. Grammatically incorrect to a degree but nothing that can make you squirm (or so I hope not).

P.S. Put in mind that I'm a scrumptious-looking cupcake and you know you can never, EVER, resist me...so no hating or you'll never get to eat "us" again! lol

an AA

Whip creams.


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