Superb. Awkward Little Kid.

He approached the two of us with a visible confidence, maybe even a tinge of egotism and possibly the phrase "I love myself" written all over him. Although I hated his overly raptured ego and for leaving us after we declined his offer to grind-dance along with the Barbie Girl song, he was definitely good-looking (and i guess now, he had all the right to be conceited)--I was hyperventilating heavily (in my mind) and thought I've missed out on a good catch: a decadent grilled halibut panfried with peperonata. Hmm. Delicious.

It took me seventeen years to realize that wooing the opposite sex using a womanly technique is completely foreign to me; when other females have an easy time making guys sweat and quiver and getting them afterwards, I am having a hard time to even converse to any guys I like(disregarding my usual judgementality crap: "oooh he's hot. i like him already, baby!" ?? ). I do have male friends but I always feel different and awkward the first time I meet them. I have had 3 chances to get to know someone new the past weeks but I blew it within 10 minutes by my fake shyness that always comes as possibly a cold, "uninterested" attitude, a Berlin Wall barrier against rejection and judgement.

I met my friend's brothers last week in May and although I had a great time hanging out with them at the movies, my friend did not want me to date her older brother because quote-unquote he's an asshole. The last time I've checked however, any guy is an asshole; this, according to the popular belief amongst women that men, in general, are unsentimental jerks who are afraid to portray emotions and be called homosexuals. Men want their masculinity to prevail but I don't really buy such mentality. I think deep down inside such men are sensitive human beings not afraid to cry during Bambi and get mooshy in the middle of a chick flick. Anyway, I wasn't really planning to date him although I thought it would be good for me now to go beyond friendship when it comes to guys (after all i'm not getting any younger ahaha). Strike 1: I listened to my friend.

I might have scared off another guy from the tennis court my friends and I usually play at every weekend. I would have never noticed him if he didn't start to show off his sickening tennis moves. He would be able to strike out his opponent then give me a look as if I should be cheering for I am his number one fan. Well, I was impress alright and I thought staring equated our very lame attempt to flirt with each other until after his game, that is. One of my girlfriends ask for his name then eventually told I like him and unconciously, I said "Eeewww, noooo". God, didn't it sound so stupid or what? I thought so. Strike 2: I am not girly enough. I don't laugh like a whore. I'm always in denial.

Then there was Mr. Egobighead at my Graduation night, trying to get a move and a flat booty to grind with. When i tried to get away from the dance floor he asked Ama_n if i was scared to dance with boys. I went back after 5 minutes however, he took my hands and made me do a twirl--and so i did. Although after 15 minutes of no distinguishable action coming from Ama_n and I, he randomly left and started dancing with a white girl, exploiting some sexual moves that can possibly get anyone pregnant just by looking at them get down and dirty in the dance floor. He could have been mine if I knew how to dance--seizure dance. Strike 3: I'm stiff like a stick.

Solution: Join the missionary, be a nun.

P.S. I'll be in the Philippines for 6 weeks. My flight is tomorrow night, PI Airlines. I don't know what to expect but i'm going down there anyway. Thank you, Jimmey.

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